infant

Foundation for Early Learning is partnering with early learning expert Dr. Patricia Nan Anderson to launch a new discussion forum on the Foundation's Facebook page.  This new discussion board will be focused on providing tips and advice to support you and your child's learning.

Join the conversation at www.Facebook.com/fdnforearlylearning and share your point of view ideas on how to navigate the waters of parenthood. The discussion forum will by run under the "Discussions" tab on our Facebook page.

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Each week, for five weeks, Dr. Patricia will be randomly selecting a piece of advice or response from the community forum. The user who provided this helpful post will win a $25 gift card to Starbucks.

“Like” our Facebook page and start sharing your ideas today!

I always thought babies and bottles go together; like mom and apple pie, Bert and Ernie, and diapers on a baby’s bottom. That notion was tested by my baby several weeks ago. As any parent of a newborn soon figures out, each baby has its own temperament and will. When a baby doesn’t want to do something they will let you know with wails, screams, and all-purpose displeasure. 

In preparation for Ivan’s entry into child care at 11 weeks old and my return to work, we decided to give our baby a bottle a few weeks before our big day. We gave Ivan a bottle when he was four-weeks-old and he took it with no problem. In fact he ‘slammed’ his first bottle, he sucked it like a champ and we beamed with new parent pride. However, at eight weeks Ivan’s personality had developed more fully and his resolve to be his own person more fully formed; this included letting us know of his dislike of an artificial nipple no matter what the content of the bottle.

We tried everything we could think of; Jesse tried repeatedly to give Ivan the bottle, he sang, walked, jiggled, swaddled, and cooed all with Ivan screaming at him. I scoured the internet, called my mom, posted a question to the EarlyLearningCommunity.org, asked Ivan’s pediatrician, called my best friend, asked a pediatric nurse at a parent group, bombarded everyone I emailed even if we were discussing some other business, and emailed my birth doula who in turn asked other doulas.

What I learned is bottle refusal is more common than people think, yet sadly there is little information other than word-of-mouth. One father told me his daughter would take a sippy cup for a few feedings, but by the end of the day she would refuse the sippy cup and he would need to drive her to his wife’s office for a breastfeeding. Our pediatrician said her advice came from having gone through the same experience with her daughter. Another colleague emailed me to say her youngest son became a ‘reverse cycle nurser’ (switched day and night, in this case in response to not wanting to take a bottle). Another mother switched from day-shift to night-shift to meet her child’s feeding needs.

In scouring the internet and reading breastfeeding books I was shocked at how much information there is on pumping, but so little information on bottle feeding. What’s the point of pumping if I couldn’t get Ivan to take the milk? I felt defeated and very mad at the lack of information out there.

Katrina, our very calm doula, assured me that things would be ok. She asked several other doulas for suggestions. One doula reminded us that if we were worked up the baby would respond as much. The wise doulas also suggested that there are more than one way to get milk into a baby. With that advice we tried other methods, including cup feeding out of a Southern Comfort shot glass—that helped to break the breast only mentality in all of us.

After about a week or two we got Ivan a little more comfortable with the bottle. One of the turning points came from my mom; she said to cut Ivan off from the breast for a full day. So on the fateful day I gave him a feeding in the morning and for the rest of the day until bedtime he got nothing but the bottle. Lo and behold he didn’t starve and we all survived.

The second turning point came from his sweet child care teacher. She said not to worry; she has taken care of other babies who did the same thing. On a pre-visit Danielle took a screaming Ivan and rocked him and calmed him to the point where he took his bottle. On his second day at child care I got a phone message at work saying it was 1:00 PM and Ivan hadn’t eaten all day, but by the time I called back 20 minutes later she had gotten him to take his bottle by swaddling, rocking him, and patting his back. By the end of the first week I got a reassuring report saying he had settled in nicely and in fact was so hungry that I should prepare extra milk for his afternoon feeding. As Stacy, the child care center director, gently reminded us “we live in the baby’s world,” in other words remain calm and we will all figure it out.

In all I learned several valuable lessons: One Ivan is his own independent little human and I need to respect that. Two, trust in others and trust that there is more than one way to raise a child. Three, I encourage the pro-breastfeeding and lactation profession to be more upfront about the potential challenges of bottle feeding, like I said earlier it doesn’t do anyone any good to pump if the milk isn’t getting into the baby. Four, “it takes a village to raise a child” and in this case “it takes a village to feed a child." Five, everything will be ok in the end.

Other advice that was generously shared with me and may help you if you’re facing the same dilemma. A special thanks to everyone who shared their information, stories, and suggestions! Read on to learn more:

• Stay calm
• There's nothing necessary about a bottle - it's just our cultural belief that that is how babies need to be fed. There are many ways to feed a baby.
• Cup feeding, a shot glass is a good size or a sippy cup.
• Try a different bottle system or nipples-- we went through three different bottle systems before settling on one that Ivan seemed to have an easy time with.
• Try different nipple sizes (faster flow or slower flow depending on your baby).
• Try starting the feed while baby is rooting, but not quite awake.
• Introduce the bottle during the morning when baby is less fussy.
• Have someone other than mom give the bottle. Sometimes babies associate breastfeeding with mom and will refuse anything else. Also, others may be calmer and less worked up than a frustrated parent. Grandma or Grandpa or an aunt or uncle may be able to help.
• Hold the baby facing outward and upright, again so they don’t associate the nursing position with breastfeeding.
• Warming the milk
• Swaddling the baby. In our case Ivan's flailing hands would knock the bottle out of his mouth. Swaddling helped to calm him and tuck his hands away. 
• The book Nursing Mother Working Mother: The Essential Guide for Breastfeeding and Staying Close to Your Baby After You Return to Work, by Gale Pryor offers a few pages of suggestions. Again there is very little literature out there about this and this is one of the few books I found with any helpful hints.

One of my first jobs was working at a therapeutic child care center. The center helped children one-month through five-years overcome the effects of child abuse and/or neglect. These young children often could not speak with words about what had happened to them, but often their behaviors, or their parents behaviors had triggered a Child Protective Service response and allowed them into the center’s opening arms.

Reading in the Seattle newspapers about the 14-year-old girl in Carnation that suffered from starvation and abuse, made me think about many of the young children I saw come through the center. The article also reminded me about how important it is to know the warning signs of child abuse and neglect, and how it takes a concerned community to stop or prevent abuse from happening. In Carnation all it took was a neighbor who called the police saying she was concerned—the power of one person who cared to make a call.

There are often signs and symptoms of abuse or neglect, please take a moment to learn more. The Child Welfare Gateway website has an easy list to review:

The Child:

• Shows sudden changes in behavior or school performance
• Has not received help for physical or medical problems brought to the parents' attention
• Has learning problems (or difficulty concentrating) that cannot be attributed to specific physical or psychological causes
• Is always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen
• Lacks adult supervision
• Is overly compliant, passive, or withdrawn
• Comes to school or other activities early, stays late, and does not want to go home

The Parent:

• Shows little concern for the child
• Denies the existence of—or blames the child for—the child's problems in school or at home
• Asks teachers or other caregivers to use harsh physical discipline if the child misbehaves
• Sees the child as entirely bad, worthless, or burdensome
• Demands a level of physical or academic performance the child cannot achieve
• Looks primarily to the child for care, attention, and satisfaction of emotional needs

The Parent and Child:

• Rarely touch or look at each other
• Consider their relationship entirely negative
• State that they do not like each other

In Washington you can report suspected abuse or neglect (of either a child or an adult) by calling the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) toll-free hotline at 1-866-END-HARM (1-866-363-4276). It takes adults caring about children and the persistence to get them help that will change a child’s life.

There are many programs and services in place to help prevent child abuse in neglect. Washington State 211 can help to connect you with services in your community—again all it takes is a phone call. By dialing 211 you can explain what services you need and they will connect you to those services in your area. ParentHelp123.org has resources and information to help you meet your families needs. 

Often the stories of prevention don’t make the front page of the newspaper, but that doesn’t make those stories any less important. I remember so many of the young children that passed through my old workplace. One child, a chubby little four-year-old with spiral braids and a purple knee length dress, said to me “You’ll remember me, right?” Today, if I saw her I would tell her “Of course I remember you!” 

*UPDATE*

Lorrie Grevstad, a dedicated colleague, brought to my attention Stregthening Families here in Washington. The Stregthening Families website has some wonderful information for families, providers, the community about protecting children and helping all families provide nurturing care for children. Read Below to leran more:

Strengthening Families Washington – Making Small Changes for Big Results

Early childhood professionals have known for decades that they play a unique role in protecting and nurturing young children as well as promoting their social and emotional development.

Now there is evidence to suggest that early childhood programs that reach out to parents may also be the best child abuse and neglect prevention strategy. Washington has been selected to expand an approach aimed at connecting child care centers, parents and communities with the resources and support each need to ensure the best possible outcomes for children.

The Strengthening Families Washington initiative is based on national research and evidence that recognizes the important role child care providers play in building protective factors in families with young children. Protective factors help parents use resources, support and strategies that allow them to parent more effectively, even under stress.

 Research shows that quality child care can enhance:

• Parental resilience 
• Social connections 
• Knowledge of parenting and child development
• Concrete support in times of need 
• Social and emotional competence of children

Please take a moment to look at their website and learn more about how you can make a difference in a child's life. If you know of other websites, books, or information please let us know, you can leave a comment or email me at erin@earlylearning.org. We want to hear from you.

A quick note of background:  my favorite (and only) sister, Gabrielle, is expecting her first baby in November.  I can’t wait to be an auntie!

My sister has the kind of focus that allows her to accomplish more in an hour than most people do in a day.  That being said, I leapt at the chance to join her Sunday afternoon at Babies “R” Us to register for baby goodies.  When I arrived, I was assigned the task of pointing and clicking the handheld scanner, while Gabrielle juggled not one but three lists of items her baby would need:

• small items like binkies and Boppies
• large items like a stroller and infant car seat
• items the store carried, but she wanted to try out before adding to her lists

As we methodically wove our way through the aisles, I started feeling overwhelmed by the sheer breadth of products.  This morning, a quick search of the word “diapers” on the Babies “R” Us web site yielded 806 possible matches.  Some of these were actual diapers (cloth and disposable), diaper bags, diaper creams, ointments, wipes, wipe warmers (I had no idea there was such a thing), diaper Genies…You get the picture.

While I scanned and clicked in an ever-growing daze, my sister meticulously flipped between her three lists, deciding between baby first aid kits by the American Red Cross or Johnson + Johnson with seeming ease.  Finally, professional curiosity got the better of me.

“How do you know which one you want?” I asked her.

“I’ve been researching baby stuff online for a couple of weeks,” she replied, sparing me a glance from her notebook as she ticked off another item on her list.

“Is there one web site where you can learn about all of this?”

“There might be, but I looked in a lot of places.”  She rattled off all of the sites she had researched – the American Academy of Pediatrics for infant car seats, the National Parenting Center for baby slings, Consumer Reports for strollers, ConsumerResearch.com for baby monitors. She also read reviews on web sites like Babies “R” Us, Target and Amazon.com to get parents’ real life analyses.  All the while, she exhaustively cross-checked products on multiple sites.

I had ulterior motives for asking about her research.  In the coming months, the Foundation will be rolling out the Early Learning Network, an online forum for parents and experts to interact and share information.  Not everyone has the time to cross-check every item their child needs, but with a web site like the Early Learning Network, parents will have a useful tool for wading through all of the information available on the internet.

Of course, no site or resource will be the final word on any product, every family is different and every child has different needs.  No fewer than three parents made recommendations while we were pondering infant bathtubs.