Bottle strike of 2009

I always thought babies and bottles go together; like mom and apple pie, Bert and Ernie, and diapers on a baby’s bottom. That notion was tested by my baby several weeks ago. As any parent of a newborn soon figures out, each baby has its own temperament and will. When a baby doesn’t want to do something they will let you know with wails, screams, and all-purpose displeasure. 

In preparation for Ivan’s entry into child care at 11 weeks old and my return to work, we decided to give our baby a bottle a few weeks before our big day. We gave Ivan a bottle when he was four-weeks-old and he took it with no problem. In fact he ‘slammed’ his first bottle, he sucked it like a champ and we beamed with new parent pride. However, at eight weeks Ivan’s personality had developed more fully and his resolve to be his own person more fully formed; this included letting us know of his dislike of an artificial nipple no matter what the content of the bottle.

We tried everything we could think of; Jesse tried repeatedly to give Ivan the bottle, he sang, walked, jiggled, swaddled, and cooed all with Ivan screaming at him. I scoured the internet, called my mom, posted a question to the EarlyLearningCommunity.org, asked Ivan’s pediatrician, called my best friend, asked a pediatric nurse at a parent group, bombarded everyone I emailed even if we were discussing some other business, and emailed my birth doula who in turn asked other doulas.

What I learned is bottle refusal is more common than people think, yet sadly there is little information other than word-of-mouth. One father told me his daughter would take a sippy cup for a few feedings, but by the end of the day she would refuse the sippy cup and he would need to drive her to his wife’s office for a breastfeeding. Our pediatrician said her advice came from having gone through the same experience with her daughter. Another colleague emailed me to say her youngest son became a ‘reverse cycle nurser’ (switched day and night, in this case in response to not wanting to take a bottle). Another mother switched from day-shift to night-shift to meet her child’s feeding needs.

In scouring the internet and reading breastfeeding books I was shocked at how much information there is on pumping, but so little information on bottle feeding. What’s the point of pumping if I couldn’t get Ivan to take the milk? I felt defeated and very mad at the lack of information out there.

Katrina, our very calm doula, assured me that things would be ok. She asked several other doulas for suggestions. One doula reminded us that if we were worked up the baby would respond as much. The wise doulas also suggested that there are more than one way to get milk into a baby. With that advice we tried other methods, including cup feeding out of a Southern Comfort shot glass—that helped to break the breast only mentality in all of us.

After about a week or two we got Ivan a little more comfortable with the bottle. One of the turning points came from my mom; she said to cut Ivan off from the breast for a full day. So on the fateful day I gave him a feeding in the morning and for the rest of the day until bedtime he got nothing but the bottle. Lo and behold he didn’t starve and we all survived.

The second turning point came from his sweet child care teacher. She said not to worry; she has taken care of other babies who did the same thing. On a pre-visit Danielle took a screaming Ivan and rocked him and calmed him to the point where he took his bottle. On his second day at child care I got a phone message at work saying it was 1:00 PM and Ivan hadn’t eaten all day, but by the time I called back 20 minutes later she had gotten him to take his bottle by swaddling, rocking him, and patting his back. By the end of the first week I got a reassuring report saying he had settled in nicely and in fact was so hungry that I should prepare extra milk for his afternoon feeding. As Stacy, the child care center director, gently reminded us “we live in the baby’s world,” in other words remain calm and we will all figure it out.

In all I learned several valuable lessons: One Ivan is his own independent little human and I need to respect that. Two, trust in others and trust that there is more than one way to raise a child. Three, I encourage the pro-breastfeeding and lactation profession to be more upfront about the potential challenges of bottle feeding, like I said earlier it doesn’t do anyone any good to pump if the milk isn’t getting into the baby. Four, “it takes a village to raise a child” and in this case “it takes a village to feed a child." Five, everything will be ok in the end.

Other advice that was generously shared with me and may help you if you’re facing the same dilemma. A special thanks to everyone who shared their information, stories, and suggestions! Read on to learn more:

• Stay calm
• There's nothing necessary about a bottle - it's just our cultural belief that that is how babies need to be fed. There are many ways to feed a baby.
• Cup feeding, a shot glass is a good size or a sippy cup.
• Try a different bottle system or nipples-- we went through three different bottle systems before settling on one that Ivan seemed to have an easy time with.
• Try different nipple sizes (faster flow or slower flow depending on your baby).
• Try starting the feed while baby is rooting, but not quite awake.
• Introduce the bottle during the morning when baby is less fussy.
• Have someone other than mom give the bottle. Sometimes babies associate breastfeeding with mom and will refuse anything else. Also, others may be calmer and less worked up than a frustrated parent. Grandma or Grandpa or an aunt or uncle may be able to help.
• Hold the baby facing outward and upright, again so they don’t associate the nursing position with breastfeeding.
• Warming the milk
• The book Nursing Mother Working Mother: The Essential Guide for Breastfeeding and Staying Close to Your Baby After You Return to Work, by Gale Pryor offers a few pages of suggestions. Again there is very little literature out there about this and this is one of the few books I found with any helpful hints.